Naija Update

Niger State Police Command  trailed notorious cattle rustlers terrorizing  Rafi Local Government  and environs into Baga-Baga forest of Allawa and Kwasa-Kwasa forest of B/Gwari in Kaduna State and recovered 300 cows and sheep they rustled from Fulani camp at Ringa village.  The cows and sheep were returned  back to the rightful owners. Police  also recovered  48 cows in Lapai and four suspects  arrested.

As we type this at you, we can only assume that Donald Trump is passed out in Hamburg somewhere in a post-orgasmic pile of his own orange filth, while Vladimir Putin is presumably riding around somewhere shirtless on a steed, proud of the traditional Russian coitus he just made with the American president. That is because the two gentlemen have concluded a marathon TWO HOUR AND SIXTEEN MINUTE  lovemaking session  diplomatic meeting at the G20, and you know, different people act differently after such explosive geopolitical  banging  diplomacy. It was only supposed to last 30 minutes. And Wonkette’s unofficial betting pool figured a slippery Trump would have been wheeled out two MINUTES and sixteen SECONDS into the affair, while poor old Vlad was left to take care of his needs by his lonesome. Trump, we didn’t know you had it in you! (Did you literally have it in you?) So, about the meeting! Beforehand, a bunch of old spies  told the Daily Beast ...

'It’s like the meeting with Putin is the same thing as him waking up at six in the morning and tweeting.' Donald Trump  has arrived in Hamburg, Germany for the  G20 meeting, which includes a  Russia  meeting for which the US President is said to be "remarkably unprepared".  Mara Liasson, NPR's national political reporter has covered the administration extensively, and expressed concerns over Mr Trump's scheduled one-on-one meeting with Russian President  Vladimir Putin .  "The President has been described as having no set agenda, that he’s just going to talk about whatever is on his mind at the moment," Ms Liasson said on the Brian Lehrer Show radio programme.  "It’s like the meeting with Putin is the same thing as him waking up at six in the morning and tweeting," she commented, noting Mr Trump's affinity to use Twitter to communicate with the public about everything from his distaste for the "fake media" to foreign...

The President of the United States, for better or for worse, serves as a physical emblem of his country. So to a certain degree, his style holds some consequence. In his 1993 Washington Post column, 'Noted With Disdain', Gene Weingarten lamented President Bill Clinton's lacklustre, 20-quid digital watch: No one disputes that the most powerful man on Earth should be free to wear whatever he wishes, but we should not confuse freedom with licence. If Bill Clinton began arriving at state dinners in bare feet and bib overalls, stock prices would edge uneasily down. The president need not be impeccably tailored, but a certain dignity is expected. So what's with that, that... toaster on his wrist? We're with Weingarten here, and we thank stand-up comedian Joe Mande for bringing everyone's attention to Trump's latest faux pas: a terrible gold watch with a horrifyingly tight band. Looks painful, doesn't it? Watches are meant to compleme...